Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
