Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
