drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
