did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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