Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
