so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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