I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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