remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
