You smell like stripper and shame
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
