so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
