We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
