what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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