did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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