Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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