He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
