Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
