peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
