Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
