I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
