he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
