I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
