Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
