Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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