The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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