I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
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