Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
