i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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