Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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