So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
