i just google imaged poop.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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