That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
