I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
