so that wasnt chicken after all
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
