You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
