I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
