so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
