dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
