can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
