I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
