I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
