Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
