I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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