Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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