awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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