make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
