...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
