But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We got so high we made milksteak
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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