Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
