so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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