You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
