Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
