those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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