my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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