I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
