thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
