Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
