you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
