I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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