So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
