True but thats because hes a fetus.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
