You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
