He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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