I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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