I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
