I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
