we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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