So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
