I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
