i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
