Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
