pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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