I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
