He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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