dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
