She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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