Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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