Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
